Sunday, August 16, 2009

The new becomes the old

Old Stuff

On a recent adventure I found a woman selling old jewelry
by the side of the road
there isn't a day when this wouldn't catch my fancy
baubles, yes costume
worn by a foreign woman
in a foreign country
with a foreign accent

Now this isn't something I could pass by
I would have paid more for that
bag of jewelry than for the diamond of Hope
or even a bag of Hope

When I am done 50 people will be
wearing a bit of this woman's treasures
and I will be richer, this woman will be richer
and someone will call me an artist

I could hear him say
"Maybe you are just a lonely woman from rural
Illinois who makes costume jewelry."
"You might want to hold on to something.
I am."
Worse yet you have a second thought about a woman from
Illinois who makes costume jewelry.
I may not live in the city but I can see it.

And there is no shame in loneliness but
a little in pointing it out
When I see a homeless woman I seldom
stop to say "Hey here's five dollars and by the way you have no house."

Living in a high rise and cutting diamonds
doesn't insure happiness my dear.
Mean won't get you what you want
and loneliness can be the brink of discovery
I am taking comfort in the idea
we can find our own kind

A friend tells me
people who are alone want to be alone
they send off that vibe
but when you don't want to be alone
what kind of radio signal are you sending
or will a lie suffice
I'm fine
I like it this way
I dont want the distraction

Bukowski would tell those that loved him
to slide a note under the door
like his landlord looking for rent
VanGogh cut off a piece of his ear
to let his lover know he missed him
When Monet missed his wife so desperately
he painted her image life sized
and stood close to it pressing his cheek to hers

I spent time wanting to sleep rather than laugh
now the idea of sleep makes me feel weak
a time when I would kill for a shiny new car
now I'd rather drive one of those big old cars
with a seat big enough so someone
could slide next to me and whisper directions
a time when I wanted a big house with rooms to fill
rooms I never even walk into now

I wanted a music room
now I play in the back yard.

I like looking over things that nobody wants
and finding way to make them work for me
that's how I found you
Heed my advice
being needed is like a drug
it's a pain pill of sorts
and when the bottle runs out
you'll do most anything to fill it again

You'll make pancakes when your kid comes home
You'll remember to write thank you cards
You'll bring a bouquet of flowers to the cemetery
You'll say you're sorry (even if nobody hears it)
You'll pray

I forgot to pray and started again
God didn't forget me
but he carefully explained he missed me needing him
and when I go away will you miss me
needing you?

I will take one of those old brooches from the bag today
and under the photo I place in there
of Paris I will write a note
a wish
I do that in most of the pieces I create
that way the world carries around the wishes I have
for them
for me
and even for you.

If you haven't written a wish down lately, I suggest it.
If you think what you do is insignificant even small in the world
know there is someone who would fight to do what you do to even be given the chance. A friend who is no longer a friend of mine said to me once "Carrie if someone wants to make you afraid of anything, don't trust them, not for a minute." Sage advice. If there is something in your head that you fear, write to me at Perhaps it's something I don't fear anymore and I can walk you through it. You can find my work at

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