Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Half Way There

Half Way There

She was chattering at the table next to me
in a fine hotel restaurant in DC the land of government
and tourism a transient place
warm and cold
bragging on a man she knew
a man she was just with here at the hotel
"He called me and we decided to meet half way." she said.

I smiled like the cheshire cat
I'd eaten a bird sitting in my tree
watching her cluck cluck cluck away
in a thick Asian accent often calling herself her own name
third person references scare me and let me tell you why
if someone calls themselves their own name
they are void of responsibility of what happens with that name

Carrie broke someone's heart today
Carrie didn't hit the mark
Carrie said she'd stand watch and fell asleep
Carrie stepped on a bird
I had a hard time trusting people who didn't use the word I
For me there is only one Carrie
well two, me and The King Character who burned down the gym
Carrie was a bad girl

I wondered about him for a few and then he glided in
on confident feet, and he was beautiful
they were equally beautiful
He sat across from her
they lunched, brunched, munched quietly
She didn't ask many questions but I wanted to
I wanted to ask why they weren't having lunch
at her place, making all comfortable surprising him with the china pattern
I was caught in the web of his laugh

Better yet why weren't they at his place
eating under the painting she had painted for him
giggling in bath robes
lover's kisses with a little toast in the corner of your mouth
"He doesn't love you." I whispered
I don't care if he shouted it out in a moment of passion


You had this man in your body a few minutes ago
and he's able to glide around here
looking at the waitress and wondering about her ass
I could feel the tiger lily up my gut
and if I opened my mouth I would have laughed
hysterically and shouted no man who loves you only goes half way

I wanted to put her ass on a space shuttle and half way to the sky
cut the engine
I wanted to bake her a chocolate cake and only bake it for 20 minutes
instead of the 40 minutes recommended on the package
and then make her eat it
I wanted to pull out my violin and play Pachabell and only play
half of the canon in D minor
and smile coyly and shout "this is what you get when you love Pachabell half way."
You are left aching, not that you are sorry
you started to listen just wishing you could finish
I wanted to read her from my head Emily but half
"Hope is a thing with feathers"
"Delayed until she had ceased to know"
and finish with
"that short potential stir"
He'd wonder if I was being insulting

Insulting? I am fighting here for your soul
I am trying to show you that this woman has the potential
to love you
all women do
but not half way
eat half a candy bar you want the other half
show someone half of the sky and they will wonder about the other half
ignoring all in their life just to see the other clouds
This polite brunch should be eaten naked
on the floor on a blanket
stained with wet
drinking champagne at 11am
and followed by a shower and maybe a nap
If you are going to have him inside of you
let him push so hard you can feel it touch your heart

When Romeo was at the wall
he didnt say to juliet "hey meet me in Cincinnati and we'll get it on."
F Scott Fitzgerald wrote of love
"At eighteen our convictions are hills from which we look; at forty-five they are caves in which we hide."
We hide in hotel rooms
we hide in crowds
at brunch
I hide my heart in a coffee cup with a little sugar at the bottom

A friend called, a male friend and said
"I'll be in your city to take my daughter to school, want to see me"?
I thought of the handsome strange brunching.
"No, but I may a week from then, think you'll make the trip?"
We both knew the answer
I could hear the Aida in my head
"I need not ask and you need not reply."
I thought one day the quiet space between us with be a wall
a wall you aren't strong enough climb
and my neck is sore from looking up wondering if you'll try
hearts are broken this way every day

Our hearts betray us
When he's off chasing demons
the woman who loves will wait and wait and wait
we'll wait when we're sad
we'll wait because we want you to be the knight
we'll wait like Emily did when she was wondering
"If you're coming in the fall"
Sure she'd brush the summer by but would she still be breathless?
It's hard to be breathless when you are tired.

If I thought for a moment my love, my heart, my key to the kingdom
were easy to find
I'd move to Transylvania and hide it under a bucket of blood
the kind of blood that's been there so long
it's like jello
"Oh go look over there, you'll find it,
it's under the poem we don't read anymore."
I used to know that poem by heart
for moments when we were alone
and it was quiet and I knew you loved me
I knew it like I knew the words to that poem
the next word rushing into my head with such joy
and read in a fashion that would make TS smile
from his cold grave
and we would plan trips to Paris Prague Morocco

Now alone in Paris I can't remember the words
something about a mermaids
and MichaelAngelo and your life measured
out in coffee spoons
I missed the cat more when he ran away
but Leroy loves me better and
after his adventure he came back smelling of asphalt
not cheap Walgreens perfume.
Leroy won't walk half the way home
he won't hesitate to love me
I'll leave the window open
I'll fight off the bugs that sneak in
I will keep my heart full of hope
because hope is never half way through anything.

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