Friday, March 26, 2010

When you're away

It's always worse when you're away
when you're chasing dreams or have little to say
and when it's dark,
when I'm hanging from the ledge
you'll find me again
and you whisper in my ear
the train is clacking and I'm tied to the rails
I let them tie me here and I have no complaints
not really when you make the choices they are yours alone
and when it's said and done
when they pick through the pieces
and find my lips the smile still there
from when you whispered in my ear

The winds blew in like Spring just does
but there wasn't warm air from above
just the cold again and I have to tell myself
that Chicago is cold until June
you never mind the cold or dark
you sleep in three minutes
while I'm turning swimming with the sharks
the water filling my failing lungs
and if I can tread water while
the moments pass I'll float up and break the surface
the whole time hearing over and over
eating oysters and kissing in airports
the thoughts of you whispering in my ear

And when our conversation ends too soon
and I am left with the hanging moon
when winter is dark at the dinner bell
you always leave me with a final whisper
pulling into the station
turning the wheel with hands I love to have in mine
and catching you is like following a tornado
or swimming with the salmon when they are
taught only to swim
whisper to me so only we can hear
what lovers tell each other when the day is long
and there are no answers you can find in a book
and if we could write a book I'd save a chapter
for the magic of your hand on my throat
and your spear in my heart
turning me into the best part of me
when you whisper it in my ear

Remember the movie lost in translation? Well today someone sent me the link for the last whisper between the two lovers. I was so pissed off. I had to listen to it of course, HAD to know as most people have to know a secret. But you see, the part I liked about that movie and there were few parts I did like was that secret at the end. I loved knowing that so much of what went on between the two of them was the secret part. It's the not knowing why two people smile at each other in some coy manner that makes you full of such joy. You just have to wonder what sage wisdom he gives her and what slither of hope in passion's wait she gives him. If I were a stronger woman I could have not read it, turned a blind eye but I have to admit I've wondered. Someone recently asked me something I couldn't answer so quickly, so I didn't and that question is lingering in my head today. You want to say yes, all is fine but when you aren't certain, what do you say? Do you say nothing at all? Do you change the subject? Do you run? I am giving the question careful consideration.

I am full of up of whispers, a little laughter here and there, some passion as I do love the passionate part. When you have known empty and you are full up again you revel in the idea of it when you aren't looking to the phone, waiting or worse yet the door. Yesterday I hate a hot dog and it was good, I started to feel more like myself, a little grief-striken, a little overwhelmed but more like me. Spring hasn't sprung as of yet but here that takes awhile. I always wonder of those brides that plan June weddings, how brave they are to wonder of the elements. My wedding was in May and it was warm and sweet and wonderful, I wish my marriage had been the same.

I am feeling much stronger. Strong is good and Best Friend tells me, completely attainable under the right circumstances. She's an optimist. I am a healer. Take care of you and if you can eat a hot dog, I recommend it.


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