Sunday, March 7, 2010

Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs


Can I believe the magic of your sighs? I think Amy sings this better than Carole King and that's something, isn't it? I watched an interview with Elton once where he said he heard Oleta Adams sing, Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me and it wasn't his song ever again, she owned it. I was at the pharmacy recently waiting for a script and I could hear Billy Joel over the speakers singing to me. He was singing and so it goes. In every heart there is a room, a sanctuary safe and strong to heal the wounds of lovers past until a new one comes alone. I spoke to you in cautious tones, you answered me with no pretense and still I feel I said too much, my silence is my self defense. My eyes were wet and and so it goes. I needed to hear someone tell me today that it was good to say what's in your heart rather than to hold it with both hands and be full of worry. I've seldom been truly disappointed when I've given someone my heart to break. I've been lucky that way. It's just been so very long since I've given it up, it seems life moves along and it makes us safe. We don't say what we should, we don't go walking at night for fear there is some monster in the trees, but there isn't.


I am the girl who fills the world with silly love songs. I am not worry about the silly moniker of it. Someone told me recently that he doesn't mind me being silly sometimes, my pass. I'll hold on to it for awhile because I hold on to everything he tells me, ponder it, push it through my head and when it goes out the other ear it's not always in tact but it is mine, still mine. Suzy tells me to write a love song and I was wondering what I'd say in a love song. Hasn't it all been said already? "Suddenly the world is such a perfect place, suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace, suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste and it all revolves around you." I can't hear that enough and have my heart squeeze me a little. Yes, the Moulin Rouge was on last night and when she softly sings "Come What May" I am there in Montmarte on the right bank in the shadow of the Basilica. A few years ago Best Friend and I took our niece Katie to see a Toulouse-Lautrec exhibit at the Art Instite. There was a whole room dedicated to these lithographs Lautrec made in Montmarte. There was this woman who traveled to Paris from Hinsdale, Illinois. She danced a butterfly dance and when Lautrec saw her he lost his heart. I do hope it was in October but I'm not even remotely certain.

She painted her, he wrote to her, first in secret letters he'd leave for her and then finally he just told her he loved her. Although flattered she didn't love him and I think today she must have been truly in love with someone else because it's not every day a man paints a room full of lithographs of you dancing and it doesn't make your heart tender to him. She danced for Van Gogh, Picasso and Oscar Wilde so she may be one of those lucky women who just had her pick of men. I love the idea of her traveling so far just to dance and live the remainder of her life there not even minding that her hair would always smell like smoke.

And as a final thought this morning I was in the car the other day listening to just random radio punches and almost forgot how much I miss listening to Peter Cetera and Chicago. I miss driving down Lake Shore Drive singing, A hard Habit to break "being without you takes a lot of getting used to, she learned to live with it and I don't want to." I came home to listen to my best of Chicago stuff and Hard to Say I'm Sorry was there and it was all about summer and of course summer romance. "And after all that's been said and done, you're just the part of me I can't let go." Has everything been said and sung? Oh I think when it comes to the power of love and loss the feelings are so universal that it's hard to think a new thought. I think my favorite though is Love me Tomorrow. "She said it's lonely here tonight she's always sad wahen she's alone. She said I need you here tonight, she couldn't wait until I get home. She loves me and that's all I need to know. She's part of my life, just the part I won't let go." You see even the same artist almost needs to share the same thing over and over just to let you in a little, to tell you to be kind, to be tender, there's a chance it's fleeting and who would wish heartache on anyone? "And though its not what we both want, knowing she's there I'll carry on because he loves me and that's all I need to know."

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