All you need to know about me you will find here in each poem, in a turn of phrase, in a photo. I am a Best Friend and I love one. I am an artist and I am fighting cancer. I'd paint anything that stood still long enough and I have a few cats (no specific number here).
When we were children and the summer days were long my father would take us fishing and near the water I'd spread out a blanket and listen to Elton John on the radio and watch for lady bugs in the grass and he would tell us to enjoy these days because all too soon they would pass
It was by no means a perfect life but watching my brother cast like my father knowing my mother would pack the perfect lunch knowing she put work aside on a Sunday afternoon made our life seem almost perfect and she would tell us to drink the sun as we'd have to leave soon
There was a Sunday when it rained and rained and we had a picnic in the back of the car the blanket spread out under us and it was an adventure, the grandest of adventures the fierce warrior taught us to play a card game that required four people to play and he told us when we were older we'd remember this day
and if I am still I can hear my mother humming a neil diamond song and when she looked at him he was the only man that ever existed she will always be young and beautiful and even when she was sad she a tragic beauty she held the world at a safe distance and before she could show the world who she was she was gone and life marches on and on
On summer days like today when the sun is out longer than it's dark when the fireflies come out at night to play the dreaded fireflies who would mark our bed time when the summer bugs get loud I think of them and hope that maybe heaven will be the place where all those memories are played out over and over so we can relive all the little details that made those days magic and like the miracle that puts the sun and the moon in the sky at the same time when night is day and day is night they will be there too and my brother and I can tell them of all the times we laughed in quiet moments what one of us couldn't remember the other held on to like a sword and a shield and indeed she was right one day it would be the two of us and it would be just fine
Morning Glories don't bloom when the plant is two inches tall they take their time climbing up something strong something that commands the wind and brings it closer to the sun and in each tendril there is a hidden leaf another inch of life another twist and turn and it can't be forced it just has to come along but then one day when you least expect it when there are no buds you are anticipating no trumpet sound just one day when you glance over there will be a bloom so beautiful it will make you stop and just enjoy it and that bloom won't last forever love doesn't last forever either so there is no crime in lingering there enjoying it for one more second holding on and even wishing for the watch boiling pot of nature to move faster no hopeful soul was ever convicted for wanting who would condemn me for wishing your kiss never ends who would point a finger at a girl, this girl even for wanting summer to never end for you to never stop loving me for just one morning glory to bloom?
Do you mind if I ask you a question Do you mind if I swear not to hurt you Do you mind if I don't piss on your bed
Do you mind if I bring her still with me Do you mind if I forget and thank you Do you mind if I juggle the meaning
Do you care that I wear only silver Do you care that set only stone Are you angry the you I'm adopting Is only a pretense at home
Do you mind if I make you wear earrings Like she did, like you did before Do you mind for I think I still love you Do you mind Always have Evermore
http://youtu.be/-TCyyqvWfNI If you post that in your brower and listen all the way to the end, you get it.
Sometimes you have to look for the hidden secret, the tiny meaning nobody else would get, the idea that you share with someone who has a commonality of spirit. Secrets are only valid if they are kept, that way they can't hurt a soul and sharing a secret can forge a friendship like no other.
Every time I watch it I laugh and I don't like cartoons, just ask my nieces and nephews.
Best Friend tells me to be patient that quite often what we want is like watching morning glories bloom, they seem to take forever. I watch them tendril up the trellises I put up for them in the garden and I wait and wait, watering them, loving them, hoping against all hope I can see the blues and purples. The days when I am frustrated and wanting and wanting and wanting I just say a little prayer, not to get what I want but to have the patience to wait for what I need.
The Falling Garden in Venice in 2003 inspired some art project in my head and I knew I wanted a few large tree branches but wasn't sure I wanted to brave the heat to go find a few, the next day we have a horrible storm and it blows down half a tree in the yard. Be careful what you ask for, you never know who is listening.
The Way You Speak To Me
I wandered into a church like any other Sunday there's a storm brewing the air has been thick and hot for days and finally the coolness washes the earth and over the voices singing you could hear the thunder carrying the rain and under the whispered prayer, the rejoicing song above mother nature's fury I could hear a voice ask me "Why are you here?" my heart answered back not waiting for me to formulate a thought "Because I Love the way you whisper to me"
When I am playing the violin and I pull the bow over the strings I can't even believe the music comes from my hands it feels as though the violin would move without me and I am just a spectator of the song that the earth is singing in most any object and to touch it, to make it your own will create music and that music could change the world or just the heart of a wonky girl in those moments when I a hear the music whispering to me it will ask of me "Why do you need this music?" and lost in the notes lost in the timing, hearing that metronome trapping me in the rhythm my only answer is "I love the way you sing to me"
I find myself in old bookstores, all the pages stacked one on another someone else having read the passages and now those words are their own, part of their being how they think of the world and when reading Bukowski's edge or Wolff's passion, Shakespeare's terror I found a book of Conroy had written I'd read a few times and turned to my favorite passage one of secrets and how they bear on a man's soul and I could hear Conroy speak to me asking me "Why do you read this over and over?" and if he had been on the other side of the stack if I could meet his eyes with mine I would tell him he has taught me much of how men think and how duty can dampen their souls and before I left I'd tell him "I love the way you read to me"
When I am standing in the drive way with no end and I can see my Best Friend pulling away when I am already missing her when I am wishing it was a Monday, a Monday of nothing to do but drive Lake Shore Drive in the summer sun and watch her hair get wind blown to such wild imagination that she will need a large pin to hold it down our skin a little sun burn celebrating the years we didn't sleep life was too exciting and we couldn't miss a minute and even when we are apart we are as close as the next heart beat because that's how life works when you love and love and love when I have my arms around her and I say "Call me from the train" and walk away quickly as to avoid too much emotion she always stop for a few moments and just waves and when you are friends for so long you never have to ask and I never have to say "Because I love the way you play with me"
And when the day is done when there are just a few minutes before you drift and if you drift before me well then I will be in charge when I can smell your skin and yes indeed you smell like summer rain and your hand slides over my throat When I am sure I couldn't love you any more than I already do it would just be silly and impossible you say something "Yesterday was long without you" for a moment I am exactly where I want to be suspended in time I can be weak for a few moments I drop pretense over the side of the bed and listen to it crash like a glass your eyes ask me why I love you and while I hold your head in my hands reminding you I am just as strong as you but different I can feel the days of warm heavy air in my lungs and the cold front moving over me this storm between us that never seems to end I whisper "Because you see, I love the way you speak to me"
The last entry is my favorite passage in any book.
A good interview with Conroy you can watch the entire interview on Borders.com. He's a stunning southern gentleman and I could watch him speak for hours.
Heard this song years ago, actually it was softly whispered in my ear. There are some evenings you just don't forget.
More Morphine:
Let's take a trip together Headlong into the irresistible orbit Breathing the cold black space With the glistening edges Let's take a trip me and you Let's go the scenic route Get to finally (x3) Get to know each other Just to be alone (x2) Just to be alone with thee Somewhere there's no distracting breeze of information Leaking through the windows dripping from the trees Somewhere there's no earthquakes Of other people's anxious questions No nervous wrecks going down (x2) Let's take a trip together Headlong into the irresistible orbit
Welcome, rain or tempest From yon airy powers, We have languished for them Many sultry hours, And earth is sick and wan, and pines with all her flowers.
What have they been doing In the burning June? Riding with the genii? Visiting the moon? Or sleeping on the ice amid an arctic noon?
Bring they with them jewels From the sunset lands? What are these they scatter With such lavish hands? There are no brighter gems in Raolconda’s sands.
Pattering on the gravel, Dropping from the eaves, Glancing in the grass, and Tinkling on the leaves, They flash the liquid pearls as flung from fairy sieves.
Meanwhile, unreluctant, Earth like Danae lies; Listen! is it fancy That beneath us sighs, As that warm lap receives the largesse of the skies?
Jove, it is, descendeth In those crystal rills; And this world-wide tremor Is a pulse that thrills To a god’s life infused through veins of velvet hills.
Wait, thou jealous sunshine, Break not on their bliss; Earth will blush in roses Many a day for this, And bend a brighter brow beneath thy burning kiss.
Source: The Collected Poems of Henry Timrod (1965)
HBO ran the John Adams series over the weekend and of course the romantic in me was truly taken by the letters Adams wrote to his wife and the letters she returned to him. This one was a favorite.
My Dearest Friend,
...should I draw you the picture of my heart it would be what I hope you would still love though it contained nothing new. The early possession you obtained there, and the absolute power you have obtained over it, leaves not the smallest space unoccupied.
I look back to the early days of our acquaintance and friendship as to the days of love and innocence, and, with an indescribable pleasure, I have seen near a score of years roll over our heads with an affection heightened and improved by time, nor have the dreary years of absence in the smallest degree effaced from my mind the image of the dear untitled man to whom I gave my heart.
Abigail Adams to John Adams, her husband. Abigail Adams
Their letters not only reflected this emotional and intellectual interdependence; they also became symbols of it. Abigail found writing to John “the composure of my mind.” John, even more strikingly, asked, “Is there no Way for two friendly Souls, to converse together, altho the Bodies are 400 Miles off?— Yes by Letter.— But I want a better Communication. I want to hear you think, or see your Thoughts. The Conclusion of your Letter makes my Heart throb, more than a Cannonade would. You bid me burn your Letters. But I must forget you first.”
A great book for summer reading romance and for people love history.
Miss Adorable
By the same Token that the Bearer hereof satt up with you last night I hereby order you to give him, as many Kisses, and as many Hours of your Company after 9 O'Clock as he shall please to Demand and charge them to my Account: This Order, or Requisition call it which you will is in Consideration of a similar order Upon Aurelia for the like favour, and I presume I have good Right to draw upon you for the Kisses as I have given two or three Millions at least, when one has been received, and of Consequence the Account between us is immensely in favour of yours, John Adams Octr. 4th. 1762
I've named him Buddha and he's the fuzziest of the new babies. He likes to sleep in the crook of my arm while I am reading and when his momma gets tired of his need to roam away from the crowd she brings him over and drops him at my feet for awhile. She has a built in babysitter.
I am tearing through novels this summer and just finished Little Bee which was a good read but didn't end quite as dramatic as I had hoped. Best Friend told me Water For Elephants would be a fast read and as usual she was right. I finished the book in two sittings over the weekend and as it was a quick read it was a good story also. I like the old circus images it created and because of those images still in my head I am working on a few circus projects. I am forwarding both books on to friends to share as I have so many books to finish I am tired of storing them and promised myself not to buy another book until I finish another twenty of the books I already have and have forwarded to someone else. I started Beyond Desire this morning, the book based on the life of Felix and Cecile Mendelssohn an old old book I found abandoned in some bookstore for $1 and the $64 Tomato, a book about the cost of making the perfect garden. I spend half of my life doing that and now in two gardens it's a little overwhelming at times. Last year I planted thirty tomato plants and this year only four. I can't take the pressure of what to do with all the tomatoes.
I also went to the movies this weekend to see Larry Crowne. After just spending some time with my 18 year-old niece I was astonished at the energy of 18 year-olds and their power of fun. This movie was as little slow but I think all summer movies are supposed to be a little slow and it was a testament to the power of a life gone awry and how to fix it. I laughed and ate too much popcorn. I can't remember the last time I went to the mall, a fascinating place that people actually pick to spend leisure time there simply amazes me.
I made this peach raspberry blackberry blueberry tart in about 5 minutes of prep and a little over an hour of cooking time. It's summer perfect. You can find the uncooked pie crust (I like the pillsbury brand) put it on a cookie sheet and pile it high with two cans of peaches (drained), two handfulls of fresh raspberries, blueberries and a handfull of blackberries. I then topped it with a few pats of butter some some sugar mixed with cinnamon and baked it at 350 for a little over an hour until the edges are brown. It's the perfect summer treat that takes only minutes of prep time.
