Twilight

When they told me the truth about Santa
I was in the midst of such betrayal
and my mother found hilarity in it
smiling, warning me that life is full
of one disappointment after another
and the big lies will kill your spirit


After they broke my rib cage and
cut into my heart
the butterflies flew out all over the room
and one is stuck in my throat
and it's working it's way
back in or back out forever

I woke up wanting and wanting
new love
wanting
new poetry
wanting
new hope
wanting
the answers to questions I never feel
I have the right to ask

I saw your butterfly sailing over
my head while working in the yard
I whispered to the spiders to start
spinning a net to catch you when you fall
the whole time, you telling the spiders
to spin a web up to the sky so I could
get a better view
your butterfly was a listening butterfly
and you flew so high that when you spoke to me
I wondered if it was Orion or even Zeus

My butterfly has traveled around the world and back
close to the ground
seeing things fluttering
avoiding large feet, avoiding the crush
watching so closely the
careless feet all around
Be assured that this sort of worrying changes a person
forever


I shouted up
"Don't you ever get lonely up there?"
and in a moment's hesitation
question withdrawn
sucked back in down my lungs into my belly
someone recently pointed out my lonely parts
and I didn't appreciate it
but I had hoped my lonely and your lonely
could take a walk on a summer's night
and together these two brilliant
lonely butterflies could change the summer
make it longer
lovelier, make the air sweeter

It's difficult to find a
a commonality of soul
a kindred moth like fluttering around creatures
"If I promise to hide my flame and you promise to hide yours?"
Such promises are made under a umbrella of stars
and when made too rash are broken
like broken glass that could cut your feet

This is how flutters of bug nature find love
one exhales and opens her wings and lets go unafraid
and the other well he just sort of gives up the height
and finds her, landing in a soft place
created by God for him to hold him there
seducing him into
staying just a few more minutes
a few more hours
a few more weeks
until he forgets he's supposed to leave
and she forgets he was ever not there
when she puts his white coffee cup in the sink
for the hundred thousandth time and
smiles licking the side where his lips drink first

Then one day when they have known love
believed in it's power
when he knows how to calm her pensiveness
and she knows how to inspire him
then he takes her up there on Sandburg's blue wind
and he holds her so close she's unafraid
if she falls, so does he and he never
falls
unless she makes chocolate souffle
when she is up that high and she's sure she can
touch a star or perhaps just gaze into it's eye
he tells her of twilight

You see twilight, he explains
is that place where
your breathing is not something you are aware of
its the music that is played by your heart
and your lungs, the symphony of your organs
all working to take you to rest
and I get to take you here because that is who I am
(He never knew he was a poet you see)
She was grateful that without her glasses
squinting from the garden she could still recognize kindness
Kindness from her tender mother
Spring loaded strength from her warrior father
the patience to find both from Love

Ordinary miracles happen most every day
This is yet another day in the garden
where Adam saw Eve naked and loved what he saw
when he ate apple pie
and liked it's bitter sweetness
and that moment created us all
created the power of Love
and butterflies danced about on blue winds
where she dances because dancing is her idea
on her tip toes
because he pulls her up there
because that's his idea


these two brilliant winged creatures
One blue, one green
her wings gossamer, his like linen
and when they are very close
when it's quiet
when he's whispering
and she's straining waiting for the next word
when the bright moon that lights her room
shines through them
for a brief moment
they create turquoise
like the color of the waters of Costa Rica
and in that moment in that very moment
Orion turns his head
to hide a helpless tear
and for the first time
he grieves Meriope
whispering her name
into a harvest moon